Monday, April 14, 2014

Top 10 most annoying cartoon characters

The intent of writing characters for a series is usually to make them fun, sarcastic, broken, funny, heroic, something seen as a good quality we can all rally behind and relate to. Unfortunately though, there are instances where the attempt at making one of these characters backfires terribly. Then we are left with loud, obnoxious, self-centered cardboard cut out douchebags that make you want to pull out a Magnum and blast your TV screen. We thought we'd share some of these characters with you.

Obviously with lists like this there's a lot of ground to cover, so I set up some rules to make the list a bit easier to pick.

1) Only shows I've seen in my lifetime - This basically means that Slimer from Ghostbusters and the Great Gazoo from the Flinstones won't be making an appearance today. I know there's a good number of annoying characters from older shows but I'm still catching up on them and don't know them well enough to know if they anger me more than what's already on the list
2) No anime - Sorry /a/ssholes, but anime could have three of it's own lists so western animations were really the only ones I could stomach
3) One character per show - Again, for the sake of length and sanity, I had to add this. I went with which ever characters stood out as the worst of the worst of bad characters, even if some shows could have lists of their own.
4) No annoying orange - come on, does this really count as a TV show anyways? It's a terrible internet series someone accidentally put on the air.

Good? Alright let's do this.

#10 - Patrick Star (Spongebob Squarepants)

Patrick just got his BA from FSU. You can too!
Suffering from blatant Peter Griffin syndrome, our first member of the list was really a clear choice, with maybe only Spongebob himself as a contender. In fact, the only reason this character isn't higher is because I remember when he really was a great character. But with nearly 15 years of bullshit and worse writing weighing you down, it's hard to stay lovably dumb. It's sad really, he was never blatantly mentally retarded when the show first aired, but over time this has led to him being nothing but a loud, weird, overly stupid prop in a show getting worse and worse. Sadly, it seems Patrick as well as the rest of the cast need to slowly disappear and try to leave with some dignity, if there's any left.

#9 - Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
I-I don't care how cute she is...
If I was asked to make this list about a month ago, Rarity (or even TopCunt Rainbow Dash) would have more than likely been plastered all over this list. However, as new episodes aired and I've rewatched older ones, it became painfully obvious the real source of annoyance from every man's favorite show was the Pink Party Pony herself. Like Patrick, she was honestly a good character at the start of the series, but has declined rapidly with time. Pinkie is loud, out of control, embodies a shrill shrieking voice and constantly throwing out "le ebin funny jokes" when the situation doesn't even call for it. True, when a good writer puts the focus on her such as "Party of One" or "Pinkie Pride" she's perfect, but for all the badly written episodes and when ever the focus isn't on her, Pinkie causes the same sensation as a crying child in a movie theater.

#8 - Flapjack (The Misadventures of Flapjack)

From a show that had an amazing design and great concept but plagued with poor delivery, it really is a shame Flapjack is on this list but I can't get past it. I love the sassy black lady whale Bubby, Cpt. Knuckles is a fun character, but Flapjack is such a terrible contrast to them. Trying too hard to be cute with a shrill, annoying, loud voice will score you major points on my shit list (which you will see lots of on this list). Memories of the short lived series remind me that the fish boy was nothing than a constant source of sugar filled headaches from the dark era of Cartoon Network's history. Hopefully it will stay in this dark forgotten corner where it belongs.

#7 - Earl of Lemongrab (Adventure Time)

Oh dear god what were they thinking? I know Adventure Time is known for it's over the top characters, but this? A giant anthropomorphic lemon and creation of Princess Bubblegum, The Earl of Lemongrab is just bizarre in every sense of the word. He yells almost every line in a high pitched, shaky voice. His catch phrase "unacceptable" is screamed constantly, which is both ear drum bursting and disturbingly unhinged. The fact that this character some how ended up with more episodes based around his relationship with his own clones and their own totalitarian society made it even worse. Each episode he appears in causes the aneurysm of a 9 year old and multiple migraines for anyone else watching such a tragedy. While I like some of the things they've done with his society, it doesn't excuse the bad LSD trip we're forced to endure every time the Earl comes around.

#6 - Fanboy (Fanboy and ChumChum)

Terribly written, Terribly designed, Terribly voiced, this character as well as the corresponding show was doomed from the start. Nickelodeon thankfully put the banhammer after two seasons and it's no wonder. I mean nearly every single character from the show could have appeared here, but the bizarre ring leader seemed like the better choice. Self centered, delusional, completely stupid, if Fanboy is a role model to children then I am willing to get a vasectomy. And what's with this trend of your main kid characters having to be fucking stupid? They all get F's and don't care about school, rather spending their time going to a 7/11 ripoff and drinking slurpee's. Shit it's no wonder everyone complains about this generation if these are the characters that represent them. And why are they superheroes? At what point was this established that they're superheroes? 

Fanboy clearly has the ability to talk to the mentally disabled, that's all I can see.

#5 - Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons)

After Twenty-Five years of broadcast, things are going to fuck up. Originally just a normal girl character, Lisa has probably joined Brian Griffin on the throne of the most preachy, arrogant, self-righteous characters that you ever had the displeasure of watching. The difference here is that Brian is often called out for his bullshit by other characters, and Lisa doesn't. Therefore, the show revolves more and more around the politics of some know-it-all elementary school girl. So basically, The Simpsons has become Tumblr: The Cartoon. While I don't necessarily disagree with all her views, having them shoved in the public's face as often as she does and never being called out for it is the biggest upset. She's uninteresting, self-righteous, and needs to fade away with the entire Simpsons universe. Twenty-Five years is an amazing run, one of the best in television history, but it just needs to stop.

#4 - Peggy Hill (King of the Hill)

If there was ever a bigger contrast of characters in an ensemble cast, I wouldn't believe you. In a great show filled with quirky and real characters that really made the series what it is, how did the main character's wife become so awful. A character who is completely full herself and believes she is much smarter than she actually is, Peggy was one of the few flaws in an otherwise amazing show that managed to hold it's quality well in to it's thirteenth and final season. She's always right, everyone is always wrong, especially her husband. So usually a Peggy episode involves her screwing something up horribly, throwing a hissy fit or going through something ridiculous, then going back to being terrible. What's worse is that I feel like she might have grown on me if when this attitude she carries around with her did back fire, she would be a bit more humble or learn something. 

"Nope, she'll just remain a cunt" -Mike Judge

#3 - Uncle Grandpa (Uncle Grandpa)

What was Cartoon Network on when they approved this? In fact, how the hell did this get an emmy award nomination? Though none of the other characters are really that bad (save for that damn fanny pack) Uncle Grandpa is unforgivable. With the exception of Regular Show, I move that no more show creators can voice their own main character unless their voice can be proven not to give people immediate autism. I can literally feel brain cells dying in my head every second this character is on screen. With a retarded voice that could put the offspring of Derpy and Patrick Star to shame, Uncle Grandpa is one of the worst characters to ever be produced by Cartoon Network. I mean Uncle Grandpa is loud, excruciatingly dumb, he has one of the most idiotic catch phrases ever (Which Cartoon Network apparently has an erection for because they plaster it EVERYWHERE), his reason for even having a show makes no sense, and I'm pretty sure he is the leader of of a giant incestuous prophecy. He is literally the Uncle and/or Grandpa of everyone ever. Think about that for a second. That's his whole character, if you can call it that. 

I'm glad to see that this show and character are getting a lot of negative press, maybe CN will wake up and get rid of it ASAP.

#2 - Johnny Test (Johnny Test)

It's only fair that what I consider to be one of the worst shows of all time have a character on this list. I mean, almost all of them could have a spot on this. The crappy villians, the pussy father, the talking dog, I mean the whole lot of them. But this guy. This little fucker needed to be put on this list. This is the greatest example on how not to right a child character. Johnny is incredibly self centered, adequately voiced, spouts catch phrases a white guy in the late '80s would be ashamed of, lazy, and has all the most retarded cliches a "SUPER COOL RAD DUDE" could possibly have. I mean every fucking one of them. He skateboards, he does extreme stunts, he plays video games all the time, he's a slob, he does terrible in school. Every thing you could think of, yeah, that's him! Oh but don't worry, he's good hearted and cares about his friends and family. He even learns lessons...that never fucking stick to his character and he goes right back to being a little shit head. The fact this character has over 100 episodes under his belt is a television equivalent to Nagasaki, the Titanic, and the Hindenburg all rolled in to one. Hopefully it too will go up in flames so we may all piss on the ashes.

#1 - Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

You know what, just chalk this one up as the entire cast because all of them are huge disappointments for what they've become. Seth MacFarlane has decided in recent years to completely ignore his talent and intelligence to keep making shitty cartoons. Family Guy, the Cleveland Show, and some new show about Mexicans. American Dad, I can live with, it's really the only one in his Universe I still enjoy. However, picking a prime example of everything wrong from these shows and all annoying characters in general comes from the Griffin family patriarch himself. Once an absent minded but still caring and loving family man who still managed to have a good head on his soldiers, Peter has become everything I hate in characters. He is nothing but a walking loud speaker and carries an annoying nasally voice that was made even worse after a second cancellation. Peter has become nothing but a prop to spit out useless cut away gag after useless cut away gag, unfunny pop culture references, and go through the same "lessons", ideas, and set ups over and over again. He continually makes his family situation worse and worse, a complete 180 from his original character. Don't worry though! He either gets better at the end of each episode and learns nothing, or he makes a funny edgy joke with no pay off. Or he can just take up dead air doing a useless boring set up that goes no where with no punchline. Or he can mention how he's literally mentally challenged so "it's okay he does all this". Or he can just fart in Meg's face for the thousandth time.

The same tired themes and tired jokes, Family Guy as a whole is uninteresting. It's a shame because at one point I really did enjoy it, but with characters like Peter allowed to lead the way (not to mention "killing off" characters for publicity), it's unlikely that will ever happen again.

Do you agree? Do you disagree? Will all you Pinkiefags dox me and send dildos to my house? Let us know of your ill intent in the comments or send angry replies and death threats here.


  1. He doesn't mean the movie (that wasn't as could as it could have been either

  2. >Pinkie Pie
    >Not Rarara

    What are you, gay?